Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
Randomize
