literally had 100 drinks last night.
it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
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