Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
I don't want my vagina anymore.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize
