I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
