woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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