You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
