The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
