Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
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