Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
Randomize
