His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
Randomize
