dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Randomize
