last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Randomize
