Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Randomize
