Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize
