I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Randomize
