its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
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