A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
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