I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
I checked into jail on foursquare
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
