If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
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