If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Randomize
