Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
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