Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
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