The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Randomize
