So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
Randomize
