I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
Did you just see the Batmobile???
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
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