is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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