remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
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