I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Randomize
