she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Randomize
