...so i touched it.
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
