is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
Randomize
