i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
