guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
Randomize
