She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
Randomize
