I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
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