she woke up with a sticky ear
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
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