tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Randomize
