I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
