Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Randomize
