mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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