i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
Randomize
