Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
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