if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
Randomize
