Kiss
Puke
You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
Randomize
