I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Randomize
