I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Randomize
