i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
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