he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
Randomize
