Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
Randomize
