Well apparently he's into motor boating.
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
Randomize
