I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
