Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
